PROGRAM! Like a KLINGON!

(by Brian Sweeney, NRL)

1. Execution speed is EVERYTHING!

2. The system library is a challenge to all those using the computer to write their own faster and better routines or to bow to the superior strength and skill of a true master.

3. The only code that you can trust is that written by yourself or by your Chteas.

4. FORTRAN is used to design weapons! Other languages have lesser uses.

5. Those who did not pass their final exam deserved to die!

6. The Final Exam of KLING U.: You have just defeated an enemy in combat. They were strong and brave; they fought with honor, and did not hesitate to strike the first blow! You have beamed aboard their ship as your own is no longer capable of supporting life or firing its weapons. All aboard are dead, and you find that an energy surge has corrupted the code in the main memory of the warp core magnetic containment feedback processor. You have access to the computer system console. You have between 10 and 20 minutes to isolate the bad section of code and write a new control routine.

7. CASE tools are for those whose blood does not burn with the desire to program when they sit in front of a console!

8. The only error message that a user requires is a blank screen and locked keyboard!

9. A true parallel computer does not contain a scalar processing unit. The shame of producing slow runnning code will drive lesser programmers to find a platform to which their skills are more suited.

10. It is a mandate that all software developed for the KLING military utilize Object-code Oriented Programming techniques. Code which serves those who fight must be FAST and RESPONSIVE! Documentation must provide a count of clock cycles required to perform functions so that a commander may anticipate his ship's every reaction. The programmer is expected to install, serve, and, if the situation dictates, DIE aboard the ship which is chosen to test his code.